apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
