so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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