Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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