So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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