My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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