how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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