We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
