I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
