Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
