return my video game
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Barsexuality is the new black.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
