I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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