remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
