I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
