Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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