I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
