If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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