I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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