So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
