Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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