She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
