hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
