you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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