Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
