Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
