there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
