She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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