i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
