respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
