She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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