I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
