we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
