I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
