I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
