You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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