Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
