i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this will be a night to untag.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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