Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just gargled with NyQuil
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
