dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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