I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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