Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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