I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
