Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
