it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
