It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
