And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
