Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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