She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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