I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
