My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
