I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
