WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
